How to overcome crippling anxiety
Love yourself, Love your life
The first 21 years of my life were a challenging time.
Not because I grew up in hard circumstances. On the outside, I lived a pretty good life growing up. My parents took care of all my needs and most of my wants, and there was no shortage of food on the table. We took trips around the country and the world and I was able to experience different people, cultures and foods.
I got decent enough grades in school, played on the varsity soccer team, and was accepted into multiple colleges. I had a good group of friends that I spent time with, we would always go out to hookah bars as a local spot and load up on falafel and strawberry flavored smoke. I was even lucky enough to have a couple girlfriends here and there, despite not knowing what a haircut was.
There is an old cliché that says, “Never judge a book by its cover”. This couldn’t be more true for me, especially when summertime rolled around.
Summertime was an interesting time growing up in Texas. Obviously, in Texas during the summer it is hotter than hell. So, the natural tendency for high school kids in the midst of puberty is to gravitate towards bodies of water. Pool parties, going to the lake, the pool in your friend’s backyard, if it was wet and cold it was the place to be with your shirt off showing those newfound muscles.
Me though, I always actively avoided water gatherings. I remember one time at the peak of my high school popularity, a group of guys on the team and some girls were going to the nearby lake and they wanted me to come along. I made the excuse of one of them took a shit in my backyard (that part was true), and my dad wouldn’t let me go anywhere until I picked it up. Of course, my dad had no idea and I could have easily left before he noticed and dealt with the consequences later, as any rebellious teenager would.
However this excuse, like many others before and after it, really was just deployed by me to hide one simple truth from as many people as I could.
For as long as I can remember in my life, I haven’t had any toes on one of my feet.
Didn’t see that one coming did you?
I remember before high school growing up and being ridiculed for it. I was always the big joke at any birthday, hangout, or otherwise that revolved around being in or around water. A lot of that ridicule constantly hung over my head for many years after that, up until I was about 23ish years old.
I remember thinking that its fine because I can just wear shoes and hide it, which is kind of a catch 22 because until later in life I never really confronted any of my fear or anxiety, I just hid it from the world and kept going on with my day.
I remember feeling like I wouldn’t be able to fully live my life because I didn’t want any other people to think any lesser of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t just magically grow more toes despite wishing for it over and over again, I felt stuck and hopeless.
Looking back, despite that being an extremely challenging time for me mentally, I am so incredibly grateful for it. It taught me to learn to accept myself and love myself no matter what, and if somebody doesn’t like me then they can move on and go find another friend.
I know many of you experience similar feelings and thoughts, even if you are many years past high school.
Anxiety can rear its ugly head in many forms. You don’t feel happy with how your body looks or feels. You can’t stand how your bank account always seems to be lower than it needs to be. You have a hard time dealing with certain friends or family members that bring you pain, stress, sadness, jealousy, etc. The list can go on and on, everybody has their own circumstances and problems they are dealing with.
The good news for you my friend, is that you can overcome all of these anxieties and come out the other end a stronger, happier person. Let me tell you about a few ideas that helped me tremendously.
Idea 1: Realize that negativity from others is caused by their own problems
When people are hateful it is because they hate something about their own life. They aren’t happy with where they are, and maybe they are jealous of where you are because you have something they don’t.
It is important to not take things personally because most people don’t really say what they mean. You should be like flubber and let that negativity bounce right off of you!
Of course, this is easier said than done, but as time goes on there is one thing that you start to realize:
I don’t really give a damn what other people think about me!
Yes… It takes a lot of energy to care about what other think, and life is better when you direct that energy elsewhere.
Its funny because if people tease you for something that is very important to you that you like doing, or something minor like your tag sticking out of your pants, its not a big deal. Only when they hit that soft spot you have been carrying around with you does it really start to bother you and sink in.
Idea 2: Find out where your anxiety comes from
This one will take more time than you want it to, and that is ok (and normal).
Why are you anxious and worried?
For me, my anxiety was lingering from remembering when a bunch of 10–15 year old kids would make fun of me at a pool party. The more I thought about it as I got older the more I started to think, why do I even care what little immature kids think about me?
Grown, mature adults don’t judge you like you think they do. Everyone has their own problems they are already worried about and thinking about.
That thought stuck with me for many years, until finally I decided to put it to the test.
When I was about 23 years old and a junior in college, I went to Ecuador on a trip to help out in some local hospitals. The trip was planned months in advance, and everyone received a full itinerary that included going to some hot springs for a nice relaxing time.
Ah yes, my old friend the water gathering…
But what was different about this was that I had time to think about it. And I really got tired of passing on things because of what people thought about me. How many times would I get to go to Ecuador? I wanted to fully experience this once in a lifetime opportunity. So I made up my mind that I would get in those damn hot springs and I would love every second of it.
As it got closer and closer I kept thinking about it and wondering how I would approach it, until the time was finally here. We arrived at the springs, got our towels, and I kicked off my shoes and walked around like I owned the place.
The craziest thing about this entire experience was that not once did anybody even ask me about it!
All my life I thought people were constantly gazing at feet like some sort of foot police, when in reality the human attention span is about 3–5 seconds so nobody was even looking at me twice, much less my feet.
In all my years, the most happy and alive I have ever felt was in a tiny van on the ride back to the city from the hot springs. I had finally confronted my fears, and I felt like the king of the fucking world.
I faced my anxiety head on, and it wasn’t even as bad as I remember it when I was growing up!
This taught me a very important lesson, People don’t care as much as you think they do.
Idea 3: Face it
There really is only way to truly, definitively overcome anxiety, and that is to face it head on.
When you run or hide from what makes you worried or anxious, you continue to feed those thoughts of what might happen, or what happened before. In reality, once you come to terms with yourself for just long enough to confront the source of your anxiety, you realize that nothing bad really happens.
The world doesn’t suddenly stop spinning, life as you know it doesn’t end, and worst-case scenario you maybe lose a couple friends that you shouldn’t have even been friends with in the first place.
No matter your situation, no matter your history, there are people out there who have gone through what you are dealing with and will love you and support you regardless. Maybe you just haven’t found them yet because you are hiding your truth from the world.
Make a promise to yourself that at some point in the future, you will face whatever the source of your anxiety is and you will make it your bitch.
Own it. Don’t scurry around it and half-heartedly put yourself out there, commit 100% to showing your true colors. I promise you that it will be one of the best decisions you ever make.
I never thought that I would mentally be in a position to put what I once believed to be my deepest darkest secret out to the world.
I used to always think of it as a curse, something I just will have to deal with and live with.
But once I started to love myself, and care less about what others thought about me, the quality of my life improved tremendously.
Today, I love going to beaches, I do triathlons (which include swimming), and at no time am I afraid to be my most authentic and honest self. Interestingly enough, this has helped me become stronger and happier in other areas of my life as well, and has helped me to form great relationships that have catapulted me to a position in life I never thought I would be in.
So, dear reader, please don’t be afraid to be yourself and show the world who you are. There are people out there like me that will love you for your imperfections, and in time you may even find yourself living a much happier, fulfilled life by learning to love and accept yourself!
